Ep. 14 Redefining Masculinity

Welcome to today's episode of the Blueprint podcast I'm your host, Jason Smith, if you haven't already make sure you click the subscribe button and share the podcast with your friends on social media and tag me in it @jbirdfit.

Today we're going to delve into an important topic: Redefining Masculinity but we are going to talk about it minus all the additional labels like toxic or positive. 

I think that we have overcomplicated the topic of masculinity and that we already inherently know most of the answers that social media is asking but we are afraid to say it out loud for fear of being judged, rejected, or ostracized on social media.   

There is a “victim mentality” culture out there that is growing on social media BUT it’s only on social media. When you go out into the real world these same discussions aren’t happening. The past several times I’ve gone out to dinner I’m seeing more and more men in community and supporting one other.

On my dating content you all keep asking, where have all the good men gone. Welp, they are apparently having dinner with each other, building, growing, expanding and learning from each other. When I go to jujitsu, we are focused on connecting the dots, completing reps, cultivating friendship through sportsmanship, and doing something difficult, something that many of us have never done before.

You have people from all different backgrounds, skills, and abilities who are there to complete a mission. We have an hour together where we work, we sweat, we challenge ourselves and each other, and we learn. No one puts anyone else down because at some point, we all started out as white belts and I’m one of them.

So, do we need to redefine masculinity so everyone feels included or do we need to display what masculinity looks like in the real world so others can be inspired by the work it takes to have self-mastery. 

After watching a YouTube short from @vice on YouTube They had a group of men discussing some key points about the “masculinity crisis” and what that actually means to them. Fully believing that masculinity has to be redefined and that none of them really had any idea or direction how to do so. 

Side note: If you aren’t reading books on personal development, psychology, finances, and spirituality. You will find yourself in the same spot as these guys. You give yourself the things that you know that you lack. This is self-mastery. No one can do that for you nor will they.

One man stated we are just our here trying to be whoever we are. And there it is. You don't know who YOU are! 

This group of men brought up the concept or experience of generational trauma (the be a man / big boys don't cry) and this trauma is being exposed and healed which is a key element to healing the greater collective and is work that we should all be exploring on different levels, and I say different levels because we are all going through and experiencing things differently but in real time with our own levels of awareness and understanding. When you understand that, you can begin to step back and realize that what someone else is experiencing doesn't have to be a fundamental threat to you or an attack on your world view but that's a conversation for another time because it's deeply nuanced. 

Another man stated that we don't know how to define where we are supposed to be. This comes from parents being taken out of the homes, constantly working to provide and consume, but not able to meet the emotional needs and support that each child requires. I know, in good faith, all the parents are out there doing the best they can, but we often compensate with material things when in reality your child needs a deeper connection with you. Not as a friend, but as a parent who has their back and is prepared to guide and mentor them towards emotional regulation, co-regulation, and cultivating trusted connections by sharing your base knowledge with them. How to navigate the difficult terrain that is modern society. How to think and make sense of the world and their environment. Not just give them an ipad or a gaming console to occupy their time because you, yourself, feel overwhelmed. 

Understand, you can only impart knowledge that you have learned, gained by doing, and practiced in real time consistently. 

Does masculinity need to be redefined? 

Here are 9 ways you can display masculine traits using a multifaceted approach. There is no one magic pill answer that applies to everyone but here is the basics.  

Dr. Jordan Peterson Quote: “A Harmless man isn’t a good man. A good man is a dangerous man who has everything under voluntary control.”

What we really have is an epidemic of men who never learned how to manage or regulate their emotions, how to build healthy relationships with their partners because of what was modeled to them as children, understanding attachment styles as a means of cultivating better relationships, and respecting yourself enough to do the work. There is no easy button. We are here to improve upon ourselves daily and help lift each other up and protect those who are unable to do so for themselves.

1 Authenticity: Embrace who you are as an individual and avoid conforming to societal or cultural expectations of masculinity. Be true to yourself and strive to express your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs genuinely.

2 Emotional intelligence: Develop the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your emotions, while recognizing that someone else’s big emotions aren’t yours to take personally. Practice healthy communication skills and learn to read people and situations for what they really are.

3 Self-care: Take care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. This includes regular exercise, healthy eating, proper sleep, and managing stress effectively. Prioritize self-care as an essential part of your daily routine.

4 Respect for others: Treat others with kindness, empathy, and respect. Remember, you give your power away when you let someone else bother you, they control you now. Only you have an impact on how you think, act, and feel.

5 Healthy relationships: Build and maintain healthy relationships by building a great relationship with yourself. Develop self-confidence by giving yourself evidence of success. When you take care of you, you are more capable of taking care of those you love. Understanding attachment styles is a big part of developing healthy relationships.

6 Responsibility and accountability: Take responsibility for your actions and choices. Own up to your mistakes, learn from them. You didn’t fail, you gained the necessary knowledge to succeed.

7 Pursuit of goals and passions: Set and pursue meaningful goals and interests that align with your values and passions. Cultivate a sense of purpose and strive for personal growth and self-improvement daily. Read books.

8 Supportive: Be supportive of other in their pursuits. They aren’t your competition. Be the kind of person who wants to see other people win. Let go of that scarcity mindset.

9 Resilience and adaptability: Develop resilience and adaptability to cope with challenges, setbacks, and changes. Start a daily practice of breathwork as a means of regulating your emotional state and generating resilience.

What does that look like? A Physiological sigh. Two inhales in and a long exhale out. You’re welcome.

Thank you for tuning in to today's episode. I hope you found value in this episode. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to reach out to us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube @jbirdfit. Don't forget to rate and review the show and share it with a friend and tag us in it @jbirdfit