Get the dog!
How in the world is a dog going to help you heal your insecure attachment style?
My entire life I always wanted a dog but there was always a reason to not get one. We can't because your brother has asthma, we don't have the money, I don't want to deal with the chaos, I don't want to deal with the mess, who is going to take the dog out in when the Chicago winter sets in and its -12 degrees. As an adult I gave the reason of, my life is just too busy.
If you look for the reason why not to do something, you will always negotiate and talk yourself out of everything. How many times have you thought about going to the gym but decided not because you negotiated with yourself. I'll go tomorrow, I don't feel like it today, I'm not motivated, or I'm tired. Side note: I've never regretted getting a workout in. You always feel so much better having moved your body for a bit.
When I was 5 years old the neighbor's dog cornered me in the corner of our fence against the house and I cut my leg on the gutter. It was one of those little barky dogs but to a five-year-old that an intense moment. What do I do? Where do I go? How do I get away from this barky thing? Luckily the owner looked outside and saw what was happening and called the dog back inside. Remember, always keep your dog on a leash and out of your neighbor's yard to avoid traumatizing young children. There was another time where I was riding my big wheel, keep in mind this is the early 1980's, and a Doberman Pinscher got loose. My dad picked me and the big wheel up and started running. That dog was on a mission probably to say hi and lick our faces, but you never know. Afterall, not all dog owners are created equal but that was a core memory for me around dogs. Fear.
In 2016 I started to get the itch and was ready to take on the responsibility but as someone with a disorganized attachment style my immediate fear was what if the dog dies. I mean, we all know the dog is going to die eventually but my attachment style was one built around fear of loss and abandonment. What if I'm not good enough, what if I can't do this, what if I fail, what if I'm a bad dog dad, what if there is an emergency, what if, what if, what if. I had the strong desire for the connection but deeply feared the loss.
I've spent my adult life identifying deficiencies, limiting beliefs, and putting myself in difficult situations as a means of taking my power back and proving to myself that I can do it. It's a way of reparenting yourself by giving yourself the tools that you never learned but need to navigate life in a centered and healthy way. So I hopped on Amazon and bought a crate, toys, leash, food container, scoop, and poop bags. I did my research on various dogs but knew that my spirit animal is a German Shepherd.
I spent countless hours searching online for dogs all across the country but found a new litter just a couple hours away from me in Havana, Illinois. So, I drove out to the farm and when I pulled into the long gravel and mud driveway, I could see a small dog pen with a handful of puppies. As soon as I got out of my truck, I could see one hop up on the pen with her ears already raised to the sky. I reached down, picked her up, and was like ok, I think I can do this!
I had to leave her for another couple weeks but at 11 weeks Chloe came home with me. I had no idea what I was doing but we got a dog trainer, went to training at PetSmart, and got to work. It was so much work in the beginning, and I felt a horrible amount of guilt for taking her away from her litter mates. Side note: A friend of mine has one of Chloe's brothers name Rocco. That guilt, fear, and uncertainty were all signs that my attachment style had been activated. There were times where I would get mad when Chloe went to the bathroom in the house because we had weeks where she rang the bells and I let her out. My belief was she already understood, she knew, she could read my mind. I'm just kidding I know she can't read my mind, but she can read body language. I was insecure and so was she but as we continued our training together, she was teaching me how to love her and in turn she taught me how to love myself.
Our biggest adventure came in 2019 when we took a road trip to South Dakota. I like the outdoors and I want Chloe to experience the countryside. To see all the sights, smell all the smells, and walk all the trails. As I write this Chloe is about to be 6 years old. I've noticed the gray building up on her chin and I'm reminded that each day, each moment, and every second is precious with our furry friends. My worry that she would die has become acceptance that one day we won't go for our daily walks, but I know that I have given her the best life any could have ever given her but what she has given me is a piece of myself back that was taken from me when I was young.
That is how a dog heals your insecure attachment style. They are love, they give you love, they teach you how to love, so that you can learn to love yourself and learn to trust others so that you can give and receive the love they have to give you.
AKC Kennel Club provide 10 Science-Based Benefits to Having a Dog
- Dogs make us feel less alone
- Dogs are good for your heart
- Dogs help you stop stressing out
- Dogs help us cope with crisis
- Dogs encourage you to move
- Dogs make you more attractive, even virtually
- Dogs make us more social
- Dogs are so adorable they make us love them
- Dogs make us happier
- Dogs help seniors with cognitive function and social interaction
Life and Breath is coaching, we help you heal the relationship you have with yourself so you can live the life you desire.
Sources:
10 Science-Based Benefits of Having a Dog – American Kennel Club (akc.org)
