Life and Breath

Warning: Sensitive content regarding life and death. 

In 2021 I started posting on social media because I saw a need for content that was relatable to the human condition and the types of relationships we have and it all started with a new career. 

When I first started my career in law enforcement I fully intended to stay until the ripe old age of 56 so I could retire with at 20 years and pull a pension. That's right, I didn't become a police officer until my mid-thirties. At the age of 33 I went back to school and got my bachelor's degree in criminal justice.  I was labeled a non-traditional student by the university, and they accepted me with open arms but that's a story for another time. Side note: I went back to school again for my masters and graduated in 2020 from The University of Chicago in Threat and Response Management. 

While I was with the police department, I had the opportunity to serve in many different capacities to include SWAT, Crime Scene, and Field Training. When I first started the job, everything was new to me.  I had plenty of life experience, but you get to see a whole different side to the human condition. If you're self-aware enough, you start to see patterns in the types of calls or situations that we were commonly being thrust into.  The most powerful and impactful were the calls where someone made the decision to leave this planet permanently.  

I don't know how to say it any better than that but each time I was called I could feel myself changing.  My mindset was shifting from empathy and sadness to anger and frustration. As you read the notes left behind the common theme was "I did something wrong" "I don't want to disappoint someone" "I'm sorry I'm not good enough" "I have so much shame that I don't know how to carry anymore" and the worst one "I'll show you."

That was the spark of inspiration. 

I started to realize I was taking these moments personally and maybe it was because I now have a Rolodex of images that still haunt me in my sleep on top of so many other incidences that occurred throughout my service.  If you don't know what a Rolodex is here ya go, it sat on your desk in a small fogged out container and had small card that you could write the names, addresses, and phone numbers down of all your contacts that were in alphabetical order.  When you were looking for a specific contact, you just flipped through to find it.  For me a smell, sound, or a familiar sight like a Benadryl bottle can trigger the images.

Again, that's a story for another time. 

In December of 2021 I had bicep surgery from an injury at work that also included a neck injury.  Earlier that year I started posting on Instagram because it was a platform I was familiar with but no matter how consistent I was I just couldn't gain any traction.  Even today after all this time I've only just now started growing on Instagram.  I had been having conversations with collogues about various topics that plague most of us like relationships, dating, mental health, gossiping, alcohol use, human optimization & health, and all things police related. 

Enter Tiktok...

I started posting about anxious and avoidant relationships because that was a common theme in many of the calls I went to where a couple was involved.  I'm refraining from using police language to describe these situations for clarity. A common misconception is that as police all we do is write tickets, but I spent more time in people's homes helping them work through their relationships, divorces, children's issues, suicide attempts, and mental health problems.  We received training in crisis and intervention and other applicable coursework such as interview and interrogation. A major mental health organization provided us with education, scenarios based training, and detailed programs to increase our knowledge and capabilities in the field.

Even with that training these types of crises doesn't seem to be preventable and the pattern that I saw was the way we think, act, feel, and believe.  The number one problem from my perspective was creating better relationships with one another. A common phrase was how can I get them to do (insert desire). So like you I started reading books, listening to podcasts, finding people who inspire me to better, listening to modern day thought leaders, reading ancient philosophy, discovering the work of Joe Dispenza and diving into practices that would regulate my own nervous system.  It sounds so simple, like, read the stuff then do the stuff but that means unlearning and questioning everything you've ever known about yourself. 

Back to Tiktok. Within a couple months that platform grew then stagnated and I was right back where I started. I'm posting on two platforms now and not growing. So you spend thousands of dollars on coaching from people like Dean Graziosi and Brendon Buchard (High Performance Habits book). That gave me the business acumen to run a business on social media, but it wasn't until I started being myself that everything started to take off again.  I found my voice by creating video after video after video and that's just part of the process.  You have the knowledge, experience, and ability but you play small to stay safe.  

How many of you do that in your life right now? You play small because you were once told you were too much, too intense, or too much to handle.  It was an agreement you made with yourself and didn't even realize it existed.  You agreed to a statement a long time ago that someone close to you couldn't make space for your emotions and you learned to be small to keep the peace.  This is one of those beliefs that you have to unlearn and rewire your brain to reinforce your positive qualities. It was never your problem or your burden to bear but it is time to question why that thought is there. 

I've given you a lot of information in this blog as a brief introduction as to why Life and Breath Coaching exists. I may not be a police officer anymore but that was a choice I would happily make again.  I'm all in and this is the most freedom and most like myself I've ever been.  I've set a positive intention and know that this cannot fail.  I've built the tools necessary to grow this platform and this business into something.  It might not be a massive company or brand name but it's mine and I'm thankful that all of you are here in support of my mission and vision. 

My mission is clear, to help you create a better relationship with yourself and have the types of relationships you desire. It's rooted in pain and suffering with a hope that if I can reach you that you may find hope and begin to believe in yourself again and to know that no matter what you are loved. The only way to solidify that is for you to be so good with yourself that no one can make you feel any different. To learn to not take someone's bad attitude personally and realize it has nothing to do with you.  They are telling you the story of their pain as they project it onto you! 

Remember, we are better together but we must learn to sit with ourselves, with our pain, with our thoughts, in silence so we can finally find our voice.  It's already within you. You just have to set it free. You're not too much.

You are enough and always have been!